Author: FelixWild

Huh, Well that Worked Out: 10 Ways of Dealing with Crisis

Part of my wonderful (not being sarcastic) position at the local community mental health facility is jumping head first into crisis’s with people who believe that it is the end of the world. Maybe not the literal end of the world, but enough terrible no good very bad things are happening that it does seem like the end of their world. We have all been there before. It’s that moment in life when the peak quickly turns for a valley, and you quickly get this shocked feeling in the middle of the night waking you up in a cold seat as you wonder if you’re going to make it to the end of week. Which doesn’t do wonders for getting up the next day to actually deal with the problem.

So, here are ten ways of dealing with a crisis:

  1. Just like bad gas, this too will pass.

Yeah I know that’s a pretty juvenile thing to say, I’m aware of it, and embrace it. A crisis is something that is temporary, and causes immediate stress for a short period of time. Take some time to be grateful that this is not the “normal” state of your life. Remember what life was like on a more normal day.

2. You’re definitely not alone. 

Saddest part of hiking twenty miles in the mountains is reaching the point that you think no one else has ever been just to trip over a beer can. Whatever it is that you are going through (lost dog, car stolen, teenagers being too edgy) there has been someone else who went through something similar, and made it out just fine. You are not the first person to have this crisis. You won’t be that last.

3. It’s okay to have a freak out. Just remember to apologize.

Yeah, you’re pissed, you’re angry, you’re in a state where the next person that says “Gotta case of the Monday’s?” will be killed on the spot. It’s okay to have a meltdown, but try to cope with the problem before the meltdown happens. If you’ve already melted down from the crisis make sure that you take some time to forgive that person who set you over the edge, and yourself for going over the edge. What we do when we are emotional doesn’t need to last forever (nor should it(it will still wake you up at night)).

4. Do something nice for yourself.

This can quickly take a dark turn if you take the crisis you have then add onto it because of doing something dumb like getting wasted, and driving downtown for midnight doughnuts only to get a DUI. Do something nice for yourself that won’t add onto the crisis that already exists. I like watching movies at theaters shoveling a popcorn into my mouth like some starving child.

5. Find ways of making things seem more positive

Make a joke of the situation, or reminisce with others about better times (ahead or behind). Find ways to make the days bearable even if that means taking up a new hobby to distract yourself with. My wife and I will invent inside jokes as a way to cope because we are lame and have no life.

6. Avoid rushed decisions such as going to a animal shelter, and adopting all the dogs (I can relate).

We joke…..but its a really good idea and would totally make you feel better. However, that’s a lot poop to pick up, and food to buy. Again avoid adding to the crisis when you cope. Also try to avoid calling the crisis and telling them exactly how you feel. Give yourself time to cool off and be rational. What your email says may be right, but it can also be the right way to get fired or ruin relationships.

7. Some people suck, so what?

Sometimes when we are going through tough situations other people just make it worse. They may even be the reason we are in a crisis. My thought is, I know who I am even if they don’t. Take care of yourself and get out of the crisis. Forget anyone else who tries to bring you down. Some people suck that’s just life.

8. Go someplace different

 When I am upset the last thing I can handle is a mess (my life). I have to go someplace clean, and just live there until I am calm enough to handle my problem. Sometimes you may need noise, sometimes quiet. Change your environment to change your mood.

9. Come up with a really good plan

I’m talking about making a comprehensible plan with note tabs, and fancy ink. Make a plan that puts great generals to shame. Who cares if the plan is completely unreasonable, it helps to think of the problem in creative ways. This may lead to a simple solution you never thought of.

10. Recognize when its over, and learn from your mistakes

When its done, its done. Move on, and enjoy life without crisis. Learn what you did wrong, and how to improve for next time.

My last bit of advice is a crisis will solve, even if you don’t do anything. I have dived into horrible situations with clients where it almost causes me to have a crisis by helping solve their’s, and usually these things work themselves out in the strangest yet best way possible. Be open to that, and remember life is suppose to be fun.

The Brain Bugs (who created world “peace”)

I’ve woken up to plenty of things in my life. Cats fighting, people drinking, the occasional drunk roommate vomiting on my bed. I have never woken up to a stuffed bear from another dimension with glowing red eyes choking me with a surprisingly strong grip. After the initial shock was over and fear of suffocating intensified I immediately threw the thing across what use to be my room. Used to be as my room was now traveling through space and what I can only assume is time. It’s a terrifying thing to fall through the fabric of reality, yet it happens so often especially with washing machines and socks. The landing was somewhat soft as the three thousand dollar Pure Bliss mattress, that had three payments left, absorbed most of the shock of the landing.

I prayed that I was dreaming, drugged, or lost grip of my sanity. Any combination would have been better than the reality that faced me now. It wasn’t so terrifying at first. I appeared from my trip in a shiny white walled room with no noticeable exit. The terrifying part came with a horror realization that the bear had also made the trip, and was now making its way toward me. It didn’t utter a sound, but the look upon its face screamed death (my death). With my quick thinking I punted the bear across the room. Unfortunately it didn’t let go but rather bit deep into my skin. Its cotton tooth bent at the bite, but I had no way of knowing that. I let out a scream a terrified scream not knowing for sure if I felt pain.

At that moment the door opened as two men entered in wearing large hazmat suits. I took the bear off flinging it at the first one who enter. It latched onto his face causing him to freak running right into a wall. The second man shot what was possibly a taser at me, hard to tell at that moment. It was confirmed as I fell to the ground in a heap of shaking flesh with large amount of volts flowing through my veins. My last thought before passing out was: try not to pee.

I awoke tied to a metal chair with my head covered by a burlap sack that smelt like sweaty feet. As my senses slowly returned to me I became aware of two distinct voices in the room. The female one ripped the bag off my head and my eyes were greeted by a blinding light. The woman wore a suit that looked a size too big for her, and the man’s suit was tight and stretched out he also had a large and distinguished mustache. I don’t mean like it was large, I mean that it was supersized. It’s like when you go to McDonalds and you ask for some fries. They ask how many, you point to that man’s face and say As many as that stash can handle. They will inevitably tell their co-workers We need all the fries.

“How did you break containment?” The woman asked, “Don’t attempt to lie. Each lie delivers a high voltage right up to that bug friend of yours.” The man lifted an eyebrow and pointed at his skull. It looked like a routine they had spent some time on. I won’t lie, I was kinda diggin’ it.

The silence filled up the room as they awaited my answer, I was still impressed with the whole routine, “I…I’m not entirely sure.”

We all awaited the shock that was sure to come. They gave each other a look, and then looked at the one way mirror. The man got up leaving the room obviously to check to ensure that the system is in fact working, and that they would get to electrocute me. Glorious stash and all.

The woman, not wanting to waste any more time, continued her line of questioning, “When did your overlords discover sanctuary?”

“Over…lords…?”

She sighed pulling out a handheld taser shocking it in front of me before putting it on my crotch, Which since I was previously asleep and only in my pajamas, just a long shirt, the whole taser on my crotch was terrifying to say the least, “I’m done fucking around answer the question. How did you get into sanctuary?” she asked oh so politely.

I could feel my testicles climb to my throat. Is this what happens to good people? But, that thought led me to a whole new series of thoughts like are you really a good person? After the awkward silence I responded. “I promise you I was just sleeping in my bed. I awoke to being strangled by a bear, and landed in that room where I was zapped be you people. I have no idea who you people are or what you want.”

A knocking came on the glass. Apparently it was her turn to walk behind the glass. The ball in throat feeling didn’t recede until she left the room. After a hushed argument, and her kicking in the door the feeling quickly returned. She cut off the binds holding me, and picked me up out of the chair. We walked past mustache man who apparently after checking on the machine got a coffee and a doughnut. That man had elegance and grace reserved only for kings.

We crossed down the hall toward another series of doors, passing through revealed what best can be describe as a nerve center with people on computers, making calls, and a large map of earth with flashing dots all around. Imagine a cheesy spy movie nerve center with more coffee, and doughnuts. Oh and imagine me with JUST a long shirt on.

I was pushed into a chair, by taser girl, and wheeled in front of the giant screen. A series of photos were on a loop. Cameras, from around the world showed that something was definitely different. People weren’t in the streets, cars weren’t driving. There was just large groups of people all in orange. They just stood there like they were waiting for something.

A man who looked very official climbed the stage, and began yelling to the crowd. “We just got these images from France, Belgium, and the damn United States. What your seeing is a gathering of infected. Some of you remember the same type of gatherings when the first planes left from the quarantine. We knew they were planning something, but we weren’t sure now with this man…” A long finger pointed at me kind of aggressively which made me completely aware of how naked I actually was, “…We are sure. They are planning to jump dimensions.”

There was hushed voices, and whispers as everyone was looking at me. The man spoke up again, “I want solutions yesterday. We need to contain this now.”

The man wore a red beret in a camo uniform. He marched right toward us staring me down, and then looked to the woman. He pointed really aggressively at me again. It was excessive I was like Jeeze man. “We need to know where the portal is, the big one. This guy should point it out like a beacon.”

“Oh no no… Ha ha see I don’t know where that portal is.” The man looked irritated walking off.

The woman rubbed her head, “Are the people from where you’re from dumb as you?”

“No…?” Apparently that was not the correct answer, or maybe it was. It’s hard to tell when people here are sarcastic assholes. That’s what dimension I landed in sarcastic asshole land.

We began walking to another part of the sanctuary, but I wasn’t told exactly what that would be. I decited to ask “So, what happened to earth? Those people don’t really look infected.”

“They don’t do they? That’s the issue, a parasite that doesn’t destroy the world by creating a shambling body of flesh hunting for fresh meat. They look like us act like us. They subtly spread their infection through love, and friendship. Started out as a cult. Groups of people meeting up talking about love, and generosity. Grew into an international movement. That’s how it all ended. Not a nuke, disease, or famine. It ended through world peace.”

She continued on, “It all started when Dr. Ellis started digging in the Arctic. They were doing research on global warming. Something was pulled up from the ice, something ancient, maybe alien, maybe it’s from Satan’s asshole. Either way a few months later Dr. Ellis was in Greenland leading a cult that spread across the world in a matter of months.”

It would sound crazy, even impossible, but I remember an article where Dr. Ellis couldn’t secure funding from congress. Tazer girl stopped in the hall looking at me, “We are all that’s left. Everywhere else is….infected. They just worship the worm, life carries on the same, except there’s no war, and lots of worm worship.” She sighed thinking of something, “When people take on the worm they become sterile the worm doesn’t know how to reproduce, but it wants to. We thought for a while when they couldn’t find any more sanctuary outposts they would try to jump dimensions continuing to spread the worm.” She pointed at me, “You’re a beacon because when you traveled you brought particles with you. They will want to return to where they came. You will know where we need to go when the time is right.”

When the time is right is when my head is about to explode from the pressure of every particle in my being wanting to return home to prevent a paradox. Most likely killing me in the process.

We continued to move as the white walls slowly faded to a grey stepping into an elevator. The woman continued to lead. I realized at this point I had no idea what her name was, “Do you have a name?”

We walked out of the elevator (quick trip indeed, or did she not talk the whole way up? The world may never know) “DD44, we are stripped of traditional names as they are unorganized, and useless. Humanity had to pick between two utopias. The peaceful non-violent one, and the structured to a fault one. Both force cooperation, and ensure compliance. When we are finished with the bugs then we can return to freedoms but not until that moment though.”

As we walked out of the elevator a large hanger erupted before us. People were running supplies, and getting ready for what looks like an assault, maybe people here just ran around a lot. DD44 was handed equipment from another person, and began putting on a bullet proof vest. Funny name as they really only stop one bullet. It made her look even funnier with her over-sized suit on. Next was my turn. I want to still remind you that I am in JUST my long shirt as they handed me a vest. I yelled, because it was louder than shit in here, not because I’m an asshole, “Can I get some pants, and a normal shirt.” The two who brought my clothes gave each other a funny look, and left. Hopefully to get pants.

DD44 laughed, “We thought that’s what people in your world just wore. We were taught not to judge anyone who comes from the other side. Different cultures, and everything.”

I ended up with some tight combat pants, a vest, a helmet, and a ton of other stuff that had to add another fifty pounds to my body. We were ushered into a helicopter, and strapped in. “Is all this necessary I mean aren’t they peaceful?”

“Peaceful in the same way a group of Triggers are peaceful. They breed till their numbers swell, and kill anything not theirs. Some of the last countries with a functioning military were overrun, and killed. The whole National Guard from the state of Wyoming was crucified.”

Triggers ,as I would learn later, are a genetic creation that went really wrong. A Dr. Ron Albert was working on the perfect killing machine when his lab was raided by a bunch of starry eyed college students who believed in world peace things, pre-worm. The triggers killed them all and bred like crazy. Eventually Russia, because who else would make something like that, surrender an island to them. I would learn, through some illicit means, that Dr. Ron Albert was still working on his animal in my world with the kids who broke in and tripped an alarm, and now they are in a gulag somewhere. What is with evil people having Ph.D.’s?

The hanger opened up, and we lifted off. I could feel my body sweating, as I shook. DD44 held a large scanner. She had put sticky tabs on my head, without asking, and kept cycling through numbers.

“What the hell is happening to me?” I asked.

“Your body want to go home.” DD44 replied.

We left the hidden structure that was just a hollowed out mountain. I could feel my body ache more. My sweating became more profuse, dripping off my head. I clinched my eyes closed as my head exploded in pain. “Don’t worry, you will cycle like this. It tells us where the portal is.”

DD44 scanner was flashing, and buzzing. She collected the sweat off my skin, as it was floating in the air. It was literally floating like zero gravity style. Her scanner began creating a readout, a longitude, and latitude of the large portal that would open releasing billions of these worms into my world. Conveniently, the spot was easily reached by helicopter, and only an hour away, however it was filled with a million (not literally) of these things awaiting their new homes.

We entered under the cover of darkness. We were set down several miles outside of the city, and began the hike in. The entire time I kept trying prevent the pants from riding up. My legs were thoroughly chapped as we closed in on the city. What was strange to me during the hike, and I am sure that you were able to pick up on it as well was how the bug made the people sterile, but was capable of inter-dimensional travel. It didn’t change any of their body chemistry, it only latched onto their brain controlling the human like a sugared up tween playing X-Box. People kept all of their memories, wants, and needs. Just the bug took over. So, how did a bug that was able to build an inter-dimensional rift through space time not figure out the basics of human breeding? It goes back to when the bug first arrived on earth. An asteroid hit throwing ash high into the air, and carrying the bug across the planet for the first time. The problem with these bugs is they are designed to learn the anatomy of the largest animal group on a planet, which happened to be dinosaurs.

So when the first humans became infected there was enough shared DNA that the bug could make corrections allowing for full control of the human, but not enough knowledge of the human to breed. The bug had an idea of what sex was, and tried many times for it to work. The problem always came back to the same issue, where are the eggs? This tiny error made it so that an entire population of people in this dimension were unable to reproduce leading the bugs to attempt to find a way to breed into another existence. The next terrifying part is that there is probably another universe where they successfully breed enslaving all of humanity.

The city, if you could really call it that, sat in a valley surrounded by mountains. We worked out way up from the South. There was five of us. The agent, myself, and three guys with really big guns. I kept thinking even if they had the numbers we had the guns. Why even bother just end them with a few nukes, and by the time the human race is ready to spread again the radiation should be down.

“Can’t you just bomb them, or shoot them.?”

Apparently that was the wrong solution as everyone looked at me like I was stupid. It was one of the big dudes with the biggest gun that responded. DD44 obviously was tired of answering my questions.

“We tried guns, but they had bigger. We weren’t the only people who went underground. In fact we were the smallest colony, with almost no arms. The bigger sanctuaries, were overrun, nuked, or starved out. The infected are one large hive mind with the ability to accomplish anything, expect breeding.”

I felt my body shaking, and my head beginning to explode again. The pain was blinding I puked all down my vest which wasn’t the coolest thing I’ve done today. I really wanted to go home. DD44 and the others waited until I was done “being a whiny bitch” before we moved again. The after effects felt like a hangover, but as we proceeded getting closer to the rift the cycling illness would come more often.

If you were to look at the history of Jesup Wyoming you would find that it doesn’t exist in our world. That’s the thing with multiple universes each one has subtle changes that could affect others in a big way. Jesup exists because a woman by the name of Carter Jesup found gold, and murdered her entire camp party. She created a town over their buried remains, and advertised the place as a lifetime find. What followed was a large rush, and the creation of the biggest city in Wyoming in this universe which is still small relative to other cities.

A large gathering of orange could be seen far off. It was like a sea of infected all standing facing the same way, waiting. In the middle of this large wave smack in the center was the portal. Or at least that is what we were thinking its impossible to see through the walls of the building they surrounded.  From here they would sent the first wave through setting up a beachhead for the rest of them to follow. Our idea was that the main force that came with us would fire at the mob from the mountains, slowly working their way back hopefully bringing with them the bulk of the mob. They would leave another group to assault the rest in the city, and finally us working through the chaos to our lovely portal where we all hoped could be destroyed by bombing the hell out of it. With any luck we wont have to resort to nuclear hand grenades, an actual thing that existed in this world. They were a fun little thing cooked up by infected who fought against the worlds army’s. They would sneak to camps, and light them off taking out whole bases at a time.

The night kicked off as several rockets pounded the city. We were far enough away that we couldn’t see the carnage, but could hear it. DD44 listened in on the radio nodding as information traveled to her, and only her. The rest of us just sat there waiting for her to give up something. The sounds of rifles followed. DD44 with all her high tech crap watched from a drone above as a huge group of the infected moved toward the shooting following them out into the mountains. Next came the assault from the flank as more rockets hit. It was our turn now to sneak in now that the area was clear. She put down the headset, “Infected are coming toward the city we don’t have too much time.”

One of the men asked, “How many.”

“All of them.”

All of them, that would be the five billion people infected. That was all the motivation we needed to work our way through the buildings. Bodies of the rocket victims laid about. Some killed by the shrapnel, others the blast. We moved quickly not slowing down as the sounds of bullets could be heard, and screams of the dying.

The best part of a zombie is that it’s a dead human. Anything that was that person is gone in a zombie. It’s a walking heap of flesh that forgot to stay dead. When killing it, its more like we are doing the thing a favor really. Why of course I will shoot you Mr. Zombie there’s nothing left for you in there. These people they weren’t dead, and they don’t understand why they are dying. One mans freedom fighter is another’s terrorist. Or one mans freedom is another mans brain bug utopia. They crawled, and cried over each other. I had to stop running. I had to help.

DD44 slapped me, “The worm already took them. Let’s go.”

I still debate that in my head even now. Imagine if we could have world peace, but sacrifice our freedom. Wouldn’t that still be worth it? Everyone collectively working toward the same goal, and being unable to deviate from that life? Even the people of the sanctuary had to give up freedom for their peace. Constantly under surveillance living in a glass house, even the leaders. I always come to the same answer, Better to be free and dead then alive a slave.

I could see parts of the worm on the ground. Some of the dead people had the thing crawling out of their ears, eyes, other holes that were not meant to have things come out of. The bright orange bug screamed, literally screamed as its host was dying. The hive could hear it around the world. They all could react to it, and they were on their way.

We reached the house with little resistance just mostly dying bodies. The bug wasn’t a tactician it was a hive. The hive’s response to a threat is to kill the threat. If we weren’t the threat then it didn’t want to kill us, but I had a feeling that would change as soon as they learned of our mission.

The portal was housed at the center of Jesup in Carter Jesups house, the lady who murdered her whole family for gold. I can’t tell what was worse, that she murdered her children, or that they were the first thing on display when we walked in. There was even a facial reconstruction imagine next to the protected pile of bones that was done by the University of Southern Wyoming. Which if you look the University up you will find that it also does not exist in our world.

The house has the whole western touristy thing down. At the entrance was the gift shop full of those huge cowboy hats, and fake six shooters. There was also some rock candy. I wont lie I took a hat, I mean why not? Next to the gift shop was the portal. Yep, I know small place I was just surprise as you. Figured there would be some climatic action scene where the heroes (us obviously unless your an alien parasite) would sacrifice their lives in a last ditch effort to save the world. Yeah, nope looks like for the first time in history no snags to an otherwise great plan.

At least I thought so until I heard the inhuman screaming. The first bugs to infect humans were eggs that went right in the persons nose. It could take days, or weeks even to incubate, and grow. Pretty soon you, and the bug want the same thing. Share the love, and spread. You don’t even realize that your entire existence, and the feelings you have are manipulated by the bug. It just takes control. When doctors first tried to remove a fully formed parasite they found that of those subjects who lived couldn’t even perform the most basic of functions. Some completely forgot how to breathe, there was no point to anymore. Without the worm they lost all will to live. The worm, however, only needed us to have the ability to move freely about the planet. To build a slave army for it. It could exist completely separate from us.

The scream came from above, the one place we weren’t looking. Not that we hadn’t glanced up there before, but this time it was full of these parasites. The creature was a thick worm that was about the size of a fist and bright orange. It has long mandibles that latched onto surfaces, and was how it controlled humans. One of the ones from the ceiling fell down right onto one of the guys (whose name I didn’t bother to learn) face latching on working its way inside. It was a less effective way of infecting someone, but hey what can a bug do?

The rest began to fall. Our side, having just recently learned from dude with latched on parasite face, ran out of the room mostly it was just me who ran out of the room. DD44 began firing wildly at the parasites, while the other two guys kept working on getting the portal set up to explode.

At this point I wasn’t entirely sure it was so much safer out here, especially since all of those infected people were suppose to have been lead off into the mountains, not surrounding the Jesop House full of dead children. They didn’t look mad, or upset that we just killed several hundred of their fellow bugs. They just stood there, like the moment of salvation was at hand.

The shooting stopped in the inside as the three busted out of the room ready to send Jesops house straight to hell. They all too stopped and stared dumb founded at the horde before us. I assumed from the continual streams behind us that the third guy was still struggling with the bug. The bug leader, I assume he was the leader as he was wearing a orange robe with a crown made of the bugs. I was trying to think what we were going to do, but I didn’t have long to think as DD44 blew the house up. She didn’t wait for a monologue, or try to help get us out, just hit the button like the asshole she was.

Movies are dumb, because they make people believe that they can stand a few feet from a bomb, or explosion and walk away. The dude that was made of nothing but muscle and bone blew a part in the blast knocking me down. I could feel the heat as it burned my back blistering it instantly. The whole world was drowned out by the ringing in my ears. I didn’t see DD44 anymore, not that I think much would be left of her. The explosion knocked down several of the infected, and well they didn’t seem too upset that their portal was just destroyed either.

As they cleared I could hear them saying, “All hail the savior. He arrived, just in time for us to open the portal.” The man pulled out a dagger, and began to approach me, some of his infected held me up as he brought the knife above his head. My body shook, and my head exploded in pain. I stared death in the eye, and was ready to take my fight to him. That was until you showed up.

Jasper set down his official statement looking at Agent K and Agent J, “When you shot the gun out of his hand, and stormed the area. Pulling me out.”

Agent K laughed some, “That last part you failed to include how you were crying in the fetal position when we got there.”

“What is going to happen to all those people? What is going to happen to that world?” Jasper asked.

“The FPI’s stance on that is neutral. They are experiencing a level G event, and if its not affecting other universes there’s not much that we can do. Besides sounds like you did your job, stopped the portal, and kept them from spreading. Also sounds like you spent some time in the library reading up on it.” Agent J said.

“Yeah, I mean wouldn’t you? Whats going to happen to me? I mean can I go home now? Its been a few weeks”

Agent K smiled, “Yes Jasper, you can go home.”

Agent K knew that Jasper could never really go home. He would think he would have though, and ethically that’s all that mattered. The kid does have a freaking portal inside of him, not like they could just drop him off back home waiting for the day he accidentally gets in a car wreck, opening him up, and bringing in the bug monsters officially creating a level H event. They already had to destroy the portal that came from that damned bear. No, one earth was enough to lose in a day, they didn’t need another hive on the loose spreading across time space.

She wondered if Agent J knew what processing looked like, or if they just skipped over that part in training nowadays. Jasper was in for one hell of a ride as they uploaded him into the fake reality MindSpa. His physical body would be disintegrated, and introduced to a world so similar to his own he shouldn’t miss a beat. His family, his real family, would mourn his disappearance, and in time learn to just accept him as dead. Just like everyone else who comes here. Or maybe they’ll drink themselves to death. Agent K stopped herself from thinking that way, her job wasn’t over yet.

Things were in motion now like they have never been before. Something was coming, but she couldn’t be sure of what yet. All in time she thought, but right now she still had a haunted house to fight.

How You’re Going To Take Over the World and Other Stuff My Mom Taught Me

I have probably the best mother ever. Not trying to brag, but honestly, she is awesome. She taught me so much of what I know today and is an inspiration to me. Anyone who can constantly tell you “Life is supposed to be fun!” is someone you want to listen to.

One of the most important things she taught me was how to take over the world. Not in a literal sense, but in a sense of how to conquer my world. To take on the challenges that I face and overcome them. She taught me how to set goals.

Setting goals is one of those important things that we all believe we know how to do. It’s like budgeting or doing laundry. Everyone believes they have the knowledge to set goals, but it takes time. It takes time, work, and drive to push through completing what is hard now to have something in the future.

In the past I had these outrageous goals like publish a novel next year when I don’t know the first thing about writing, or publishing. Creating a club, and having it be the most popular club on campus when I know nothing about club management. These goals were things that I wanted to accomplish but set the bar too high too soon. There is a saying that you should shoot to the moon, and if you miss you still land among that stars. To me that only means they missed their goal, and if they had spent a little more time calculating they could have made it.

What I am not saying is give up on your dreams. What I am saying is make achievable goals that lead you to your dreams gradually. If the dream is to become the world’s most famous rock star the first step is ensuring you can play the guitar well. If the dream is to own a house, then the first step is understanding loans. In the example of the moon scientists didn’t just shoot the first rocket they found full of people to land among the stars. It took years of careful research and experimentation to complete.

My mother taught me that these baby steps, though small, eventually take me higher until I reach the top of the mountain. If I want to publish a novel the first step is learning how to write well.

Here is how to set achievable goals to take over the world:

Step one-

Create the vision. We ask this question first, so we know where we need to go. It won’t help us one bit if we just do things without knowing where it ends. What is it you want to do? Is there a job that you want, or a skill? What is the final product?

Step two-

Research what it is that you want. I mean actually research, not just a google search and look at Wikihow (though they are helpful). Go to a library, ask a professional in the field, or even look at reviews (if it’s a company, or membership needed). Really understand what you’re getting into. This will save time and money

Step three-

Begin your first steps by creating smaller destinations along the way. If you want to get in shape determine what your first achievable step is. If someone hasn’t ran a mile since high school, then running a block might be too much. Try walking a mile or jogging less than a mile. Continue working up from there. They should also determine what their eating, and if it is a benefit to them getting in shape. If it’s not, then what can they take out of their diet over time?

Step four-

Mistakes WILL be made. Whoever try’s will fail, especially if it is a new skill. We shouldn’t assume mistakes are a sign of failure they are a determination of what we did wrong, and what should be done to improve. Mistakes are for learning and growing. When first trying to fish I used too much junk on my line leaving fish disinterested. After multiple failed attempts I caught my first fish. Approach mistakes positively they are the guide to success.

Step 5-

Create for yourself the drive to complete these smaller goals and push past the point of disinterest. Most people will stop short of their goal because the drive isn’t there anymore. Find the drive in yourself each day to complete the tasks set. As time goes on it will become as natural as breathing. Find someone to hold you accountable and will push you to succeed.

 

Setting goals is the easy part, completing them can be difficult. If you want to control your world and become the master of your destiny you must be willing to work for it. Each day creates the opportunity to learn, but like anything not used it will atrophy.

 

What is the vision you have? Do you know how to get there? Let me know.

Essentials to Bullet Journaling

Bullet journaling is the cool new craze that has everyone (mostly us) excited about getting organized. The styling and openness of the journal allows for the creator to create beautiful self-made trackers, calendars, and anything else that can be done with paper all in one convenient dotted journal. With so many possibilities it can be difficult, and unnerving to get started.

Well at A Work in Progress Pandora, and I made the mistakes for you and came up with the Essentials to Bullet Journaling. So please sit back and see what we did good, and what went horribly wrong.

  • Step 1 buy the Journal, any journal, so long as its full of dots. Look at that journal so full of dots. Lets just take a moment to appreciate how organized we are getting…… Wow such potential, I really feel like this is going to be a grand adventure.

 

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  • Step 2 get supplies. Talk’n like some Sharpies, and non-smearing non-bleeding non-shit markers, all the pencils (ALL the Pencils), stencils to make it look like you know what your doing, some rulers to make it look like you a can draw straight lines, and bring the pain of knowing that your journal will never be as cool as the ones on Pinterest.

 

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  • Step 3 fight with your significant other if your doing the journal together. Mostly because you know that you called the ruler first, and you cooked dinner but apparently that doesn’t matter because she has a really cute idea for her journal. If your alone continue to self-loath from previous step.

 

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  • Step 4 don’t make a water tracker. Everyone makes a water tracker, do something different like a poop tracker. At least that is different.

 

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  • Step 5 don’t listen to what people tell you to put in your journal especially your significant other especially about that whole UsE GeL PeNs iT LOoKS BeTTer. NO IT DOESN’T.

 

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  • Step 6 screw up multiple times, and feel helpless.

 

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  • Step 7 embrace the mistakes.

 

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  • Step 8 wonder if embracing the mistakes leads to bad habits.

 

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  • Step 9 screw it, make a water tracker. Almost had you.

 

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  • Step 10 make a huge mess and stress about cleaning it up. Ugh I knew I shouldn’t have gotten so many pencils.

 

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  • Step 11 have fun and enjoy the experience, and look at the cool stuff that comes from making a bullet journal

 

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Conversations with Death (Writing Like an Edgy Teenager)

I lost one of the most important people in my life, and now all that was left was to sit feeling sorry for myself. I cried, and cried on this bench. Then death came. It sat down beside me listening to me go on about the unfairness of my loss, and what I would give to change it all. Death, a patient individual, listened to every word. I finally turned to death, “Why did you do this?”

Death answers in reply, “Am I punishment? Do people only see me as a terrible thing that brings them pain? Oh, you are blinded by emotion, can you not see that I am as natural as these flowers, or the very air that you breathe. I exist because life exists. You were destined to meet me the very moment you took your first breath at birth. It doesn’t matter if you are a saint, or a sinner. It wouldn’t matter if you were rich or poor. Everyone will meet me. All of life groans for me as this world is pain and suffering.”

“She is too young.” I said, “How can you justify taking the life of a person so young and innocent. Her life was one that was never lived, and never experienced. She never knew love, or the oceans breeze. She never saw the starry sky, or the mountains”

“Why do you depreciate her? Do you believe that the time she has spent here was useless? Oh, you are blinded by self-pity, can you not see that she did amazing things with the time she was given, and to say her life was never lived is to destroy the great things she has done.”

“I want her back, I want to see my friend, I want to hear her laugh, sing, and dance.”

“Why do you want to harm her? Do you only think of yourself? You who is blinded by your own self-worth, can you not see she was suffering? All her life she suffered, and now she suffers no more. Am I not a gift to those who are in pain?”

Death leaves me to sit and ponder what was said, and I believe I can say it in terms that everyone can understand: Death is as natural as life. We don’t die as a punishment for the wrongs in life, nor do we die for the good we do. We die when it is time to die. To say someone doesn’t deserve death is to destroy the memory of their life. In life, we experience happiness, and joy. In life, we experience sorrow and suffering. Be thankful for today with those you love.

Bankruptcy! It’s a solution: Climbing out of the pit of despair

I have always had a fear of debt. When my parents fought it was about money. It happened so often that I had nightmares of it. I am afraid of it, and I still am. My worst fear became my reality, I owe money. It keeps me up at night, and stresses me out. With each new bill I am reminded of how little I have, and how I have to find a way to make more. Each day I get older I wonder if I will have enough, or if fighting at this point is even worth it.

Every step feels like a failure. We recently had to shell out 560 for medical bills, and 1500 for vehicle repairs all in one week. We blew our savings, and canceled our vacation. We still have another 200 in medical coming up. We are strapped, and tired.

When it gets bad like this I cope by watching 30 Rock. I have watched every episode at least three times, and its how I calm down. I can sit back and hypnotize myself letting all the worry leave me, but recently something clicked. In the episode, Into the Crevasse, Jack details a story of him mountain climbing. He states how he is cut off from the group becoming stranded. He details to Liz Lemon how he had to dig deeper to get out of the situation. He using this strategy to help out his company from going under, and Liz uses it to get Tracy out of her hair.

Sometimes the way up is down. So, yeah things are hard for me right now. I don’t get to go on a vacation I spent months saving up for. Instead I stay behind to fight for my life. That’s ok, because tomorrow I’ll still be around. Tomorrow I will get up, and keep on fighting. Tomorrow I will dive deeper searching for the bottom. When I find it, I can begin to crawl back up.

Peaks and valleys. That’s all that life is. It gets great, and then it gets worse. Yet once you hit the low part then the good part comes. It’s a cycle, and each cycle offers the chance to learn from. Every peak is a time of joyfulness, and mindfulness. A chance to be thankful for all that is. Every valley is a time of work, and perseverance. It’s a time for reflection and to remember the good in the world, the good that we have experienced.

I have to say I might be in the valley right now, but things will get better. I will learn, and I will grow into something better. Tomorrow I will be the best Felix yet as long as I am willing to try. Willing to keep on looking up for that sky that I have seen a million times before. The world around me is still beautiful even in the valley.

Today I sat outside fishing with my wife. We casted our rods out in the park as the sun set was lighting up the world around us. Everything became still as people walked their dogs, and the breeze flowed. I was happy that my family was together in Oklahoma even if I had to stay home. I thanked God for it all, even the bad because it can be so much worse. Be thankful because it can always get worse.

Part of climbing out of the pit involves letting go of the constant struggle. Letting go of the intense pain that overflows the body creating the fear that all is lost. It’s not easy, and it takes practice to learn how to stop ahead of the pain. Redirecting myself that all is not lost, and that this is a struggle. Each day in the struggle that I overcome my skin gets thicker, and my life get better.

Sometimes we have to climb down . Sometimes we have to embrace the pain. We do these things in the valley to get better. Don’t hasten to the peak, but seek to find the world around you. Enjoy the valley as much as the peak. Enjoy what is given, and what is taken. Life is supposed to be fun but also a journey.

Can you think of something you learned when you were in the valley?

Galactic Geographic: The Most Lucrative Drug

I sit in a circle of men for a special gathering that occurs once a month for the Kilcatar. Like many of the other intelligent life in the galaxy the Kilcatar consist of a humanoid body structure. Their skin in an oily black that shines in the sun like water during the sunrise. The men’s teeth are sharp, and have been cut this way at a young age as a symbol of manhood. Kilcatar eyes vary but most men have yellow eyes while the women, who are only seen through a veil by off-worlders, are red. The only woman permissibly seen by off-worlders is the Queen of Rein who first greeted the Federation Officers who made contact here only 50 units of time (UOT). Largely still unknown, this planet’s history and culture is mostly cut off from the rest of the galaxy as the Kilcatar are suspicious of anyone not part of their clan. Their entire planet is a large desert with some small oasis’s providing faint relief. It is incredibly hot here as there are three suns that shine down on Rein.

The tent is full of a blue haze as coals burn on top of an old ceramic hookah said to be as old as the village (my guide states the village is fairly new only spanning 5 UOT). Inside of the hookah holds the most lucrative drug to hit the core planets, Silweed. Traditionally smoked for religious purposes Silweed has become one of the most popular exports of the Kilcatar alongside precious uranium used to fill star ships.

Haj, leader of the group, takes a drag from the pipe exhaling the blue smoke that has become a pop icon for many in the Central Galactic Core. Haj like all others in the tent today are hoping to receive a vision from the Three Suns, gods of the people. He lays back into his cushion passing the pipe to his right. It is largely a ceremonial process that is taking place. It both excites and confuses foreigners who visit the planet Rein.

Most explorers, and experts have agreed on the importance of the ceremony. However, the Federation still does not completely understand the specific meaning, or historical roots. This is mostly due to the incredible language barrier. Kilcatar speak in a poetic way that doesn’t have a clear meaning to off-worlders. This language barrier exits between other clans separated by history. Where we would say “Go to the store and get some milk” Kilcatar would say, “If the three suns are willing haste yourself to find the substance of life used to feed babies that nurture them to adulthood.”  A simple conversation of asking where to eat is a literary endeavor involving the call upon different heroes, or deities of their history.

All week farmers of the village have been preparing for the ceremony that is common place with the Kilcatar religion, which does not have a simple language translation. The closest interpretation for the religion’s name is Valley of the Three Suns. Today’s celebration is for the three suns that the planet orbits, and the one day each month that there is no darkness anywhere on the land.

Silweed, unknown until recently has been farmed here long before the Federation discovered the planet, and it’s people. The language as well as the culture are still unfamiliar to most people in the Federation, and almost all of the people on Rein still do not understand basic (The language used by the Federation). This barrier though has not stopped many corrupt officials, and smugglers from taking the drug off world into the black market to be sold to billions in the core worlds.

The pipe comes to me, and is passed on as I have not completed the Kilcatar trials. A sort of coming of age that all of the Kilcatar youth must pass before smoking the weed. Haj’s son Rey is currently on a journey for the right of passage that includes walking to the nearest Holy Place and fasting for 40 days under the care of the sisterhood. The sisterhood is made of girls who have hit puberty, and are sent away to live in the monastery for young men like Rey to fast at. With any luck Rey will marry one there and bring her back to live with their family as his wife. Haj’s wife, Tumita, grew up almost 2000 units of measure (UOM) from her home now. For Rein that is incredibly far away with the primitive technology that surrounds the planet. .

All week I have been following Haj and his group of farmers as they cultivate the crop. Large rows of Silweed grow around the small village.  It’s a simple looking plant, it starts with a green stem with blue veins running up from the ground. At the top is a red flower that has yellow specs around it. It can grow to be as large as an average human male (6 UOM). I watched as the farmers hacked away at the stem, and throw the weed into a cart pulled by Yush, the work animal of this world. The Yush are smart enough to pull the cart by themselves back to facility where the women cut away the leaves and mash the stems into a paste used for smoking. Along the rows of the crop are the metal hoses used to hydrate, and fertilize the plants. The crop traditionally takes 1095 DUOT to grow. The technology introduced to Rein by the Federation in order to help other produce grow has been modified to grow Silweed, causing Silweed to mature at a much faster rate.

Haj, and the other farmers have become quite wealthy in recent years due to the demand of the crop. He says things have changed rapidly since the growing popularity, and perhaps for the worse. Normally a village like  Haj’s is closed off economically making only a few units at nearby cities by selling off extra meat, or produce. Since Silweed’s rise this village like many others has been contracted (extorted) by the Khans, warlords of the planet who work along with smugglers to produce Silweed in massive quantities.

Haj’s worry comes from the land that he believes still belongs to him, and his sons. He fears once the demand for the weed ends the Khan of the region will use his sons to fight for uranium. The Khan’s do not recognize local land owning, and in the past when a village has had a bad Silweed production the Khan lays waste to the village. Haj’s, and the Khans claim to land are also disputed by the Royal Family who have stated all of the land belongs to the three Suns. The Royal family appears to align themselves closely to the Federation, but have little control outside the major cities.

Once the harvest is completed Haj and the farmers had produced 100 units of weight (UOW) of the weed. Far more then what would normally be needed to use during the Three Suns Celebration. The excess paste is packed into ceramic jars, and stored in a cool shelter made of mud. It is the only permanent structure in the village, and the one structure that the village is protective of. The guide tells me that it is a fairly new structure built by the Khan of the region to protect his investment. If he finds the hut damaged, or Silweed missing then he may take out its worth on the village called a blood payment.

The weed sits inside of the hut for several days before three land rovers baring the marking of Khan Tal arrive for the pickup. The exchange is a humorous one as the people believe selling Silweed is religiously wrong. The Khans men gift to the farmers meat, produce, and building supplies along with a hefty sum of Federation Units. The farmers then gift the Khans men the Silweed paste as thanks for their generosity. Silweed may only be given away as a gift, and not sold. The Khans men make sure that they announce loudly to the village that they have come baring gifts, and in return need nothing.

My guide and I talked with the Khans men in hopes that we could follow their caravan to the water palace, Khan Tal’s home, famously known in the region. They agreed to take us without pay for the Khan was very interested in off-worlders and often dines with them to learn of the worlds beyond Rein. My guide also tells me there is a chance that these men would be rewarded for their efforts.

Before the Federation, this planet relied mostly on beasts for transportation. A part of becoming a member of the federation allowed companies like Atlas to integrate into the society introducing new technologies. While considered old by many core worlds the land vehicles in Rein are a status symbol of wealth. The Atlas logos have been painted over with Khan Tals, and have been outfitted with weapons that are illegally smuggled in for protection of Silweed.

The water palace lives up to its name. As we approached a massive marble structure shot out of the ground in was decorated with blue paint and furnished with modern appliances. It was the closest I had been to inner core lifestyle since landing in Rein. The palace was surrounded by huts and tents common of Kilcatar poor. Closer to the palace were shops made of stone, and marble. Inside of the walls of the Palace the culture, and ceremonies of the Kilcatar are quickly forgotten. Women walk openly among the men, some without veil even to off-worlders. Men of the Khan went shirtless and at times and slept in the grass, a rare sight for this planet as sleeping in the grass is a sin. All of this water in the palace was imported from other planets. In Rein water is very rare and difficult to come by. Most of the villages have to dig deep to find a small sliver of water. The people of this planet have evolved to the point where they only need a small amount of water to survive. There was even a shared bath house.

Khan Tal is one of 12 Khans who produce Silweed for smugglers. Once the Khans fought over uranium territory, stealing the mineral from the Atlas corporation. They sold it for a lesser price to merchant’s in the outer and mid rim. Khans would team up fighting Atlas, but soon betray one another to steal the uranium for themselves. With the rise of Silweed, uranium has stopped being the best product to sell. Better priced and easier to sell the Khans found it the best way to make a lot of money quickly. In an interview with Khan Tal he stated in broken basic, “Before lots of war with Khans, and Atlas, many solider dead, not enough money or guns to keep fighting. With drug, no Atlas problems, no fighting, and too far from the Federation for interference.”

The Khan a big man by Kilcatar standards sits at about the size of 8 UOM. He tells me that his Palace rivals that of Prince Alkadim the third son of the Royal Family in beauty, and style. I had to admit that it was a lavish place, home to many products and stylings that resemble life in the wealthier central core. Some parts of his home one can see posters of pop musical icons, movies, and actors. I ask the Khan if he knows of these people, he tells me he just likes to trade those trinkets with smugglers.

Khan Tal even has two luxury star ships capable of interplanetary travel. “I don’t dare venture far for I know the Federation is stronger there, but I have a great life here.” A great life indeed the Khan brings in over a million units monthly, almost more than then some of those in the Royal family, and more than some entire planetary systems.

The Khan greeted me, and my guide with a large feast. It was lavish, and resembled a party similar to the inner core. The guide tells me that most of these people are the Khans friends and family. Others were brought here  by their parents as a gift to the Khan in hopes their children will grow up better than in the “Wastes”. Children given to the Khan come from  the poorest of the poor. They will grow up most likely in some service to the Khan. Sometimes as a solider, or a slave. However, even being a slave for the Khan is better than the life in the waste.

The Khan talked to me as he tested out the Silweed freshly brought from Haj’s farm. He talks for hours about many topics, and his interest in foreigners. “My land is a good land, and I am merciful. The three Suns yes they blessed me and I have blessed all of these people. The Royals are suspicious of you and your Federation, but I tell you one day Rein will rid themselves of them. They should embrace the federation for all the gifts.”

I asked him if he understood that the Federation wanted to end the sale of Silweed. He responded in broken basic “I know I know, Federation is mad about Silweed, but they have not seen what else the 12 can bring. ”

For all of the prosperity that we witnessed at the water palace much was hidden from me. I was told by my guide that while we were staying there several men who were guests inside of the palace refused to use the shared bath house. In their eyes it was an abomination for a unwed man and woman to see each other naked. They were beheaded and their wives forced to eat of their bodies. A humiliation in Rein worse than death.  The women killed themselves after in shame.

 

My guide, a Kilcatar who studied basic, and contracts with the Federation tells me, “These things are not uncommon here. The Khans want more from your Federation because it will give them more power over the Royals. They act like they are gift givers, but they have always gifted with a knife.”

The government officially complies to the Federations laws of drug smuggling, and states that Silweed smuggling is being cracked down on. However, many people like Khan Tal say something completely different. “Before the government had to help Atlas fight us off from the uranium mines, but with Silweed there is less violence. The customs officers make more, and it is good for our people.”

The truth of the matter is more difficult to understand. Just outside of the  Government Capital is one of the largest Silweed fields producing around 10000 UOW every month more than anywhere else on the planet, and it is in eyesight of Rein’s customs building. The Federation Customs cannot burn these fields or alter them in anyway because of the significance Silweed has on the people. Burning them would be a mortal sin, and the people would rise with the Khans to fight the Royals.

Silweed in its original form is a very harmless drug with some hallucinogenic affects, and an overall feeling of euphoria. However, smugglers and criminal organizations in the mid and core have found that by boiling it down into a concentrate can be extremely addictive and give the users a powerful high that can last for an earth day.

It first arrived on the scene two years ago. As soon as it hit, hospitals began to become overrun with a new drug known as rush. Overdoses became common, and addiction went on the rise in planets that usually have low drug problems. In the last two years the drug has killed over 15 million in the mid and core worlds, and hospitalized over 100 million. Over a billion are addicted.

After spending several days with Khan Tal he begins to make contact to several smugglers, and arranges for a pick up for his Silweed. The meeting place is not at the Water Palace, but several hundred UOD away in what locals call Valley of a Thousand Skulls. This abandoned area was once an Atlas uranium mine. Cracked and broken buildings now dot the area. Several ships land and take small amounts of the Khans Silweed away at a time. My guide explains to me that this is done to preserve the payment. A federation cruiser can realistically only take, and search one ship at a time.

This was the end of my journey with the Khan, and my guide. I begin looking for a crew willing to take some extra Federation units to give me a ride to their next location. I found a beat up intergalactic shipping freight. The kind that is used normally for colonization efforts, or agricultural shipments. The Captains name is Black Jane a title that she gives instead of a real name. After trading some units I get the green light, and ready to leave Rein. On-board I am given the extra bed in the Captains room. While a far cry from the Water Palace it has a nice smugglers touch to it. When we are airborne, and in warp Black Jane comes back with food and I get a chance to sit down and interview her.

Black Jane tells me she was an orphan of the Rus Empire. Like many of the Rus youth she grew up in the paramilitary socialist academies. She began smuggling after getting her piloting license. I asked her “Why Silweed?” Jane tells me that the drug is too perfect of an enterprise to simply stop. “I used to smuggle people from the outer rim. From newly colonized, or discovered places like Rein. You know the real shit holes. That could make some money, but most people wanted me to do it for charity. I tried some work with uranium, but that got really risky when companies like Atlas started their kill policy. Any ship even believed to be holding their uranium gets docked, and searched. Even in a Federation Space. Rush is the perfect product to smuggle. You don’t have to feed it, or shelter it. Best part of it all is that the only people who seem to want it stopped is the Federation, but small time like me doesn’t interest that billion unit bureaucracy.” Jane isn’t wrong. Khan Tal had over a hundred smugglers transporting his Silweed, and taking into account all the other Khans doing the exact same thing makes it hard to regulate.

Jane and her crew of ten have been smuggling out Silweed to the midrim for several galactic months now. Their destination is the Aldramaton moon where crime is all too common. “Aldramaton is a scummy place full of people willing to do some serious crimes for a few units. We work with several crime families they’re mostly the Nuvil. They’re the ones who are making Silweed into Rush.”

Aldramaton is a moon entirely covered by city. Both the moon, and the planet below Quin have historically been separatists from the Federation. However, recent aggression from the outer rim Empire Rus toward the mid-rim planets have caused Aldramaton to re-petition enrollment into the Federation. The Federation agrees to the petition only if Aldramaton takes care of its slaving, and drug smuggling. Black Jane, and other smugglers traveling from Rein bring their cargo here where slaves are responsible for transforming Silweed to Rush.

Black Jane’s lands off onto a false death strip (Death strips are landing pads that are not regularly serviced, and dangerous to land on). In areas like these the Federation control is weak, and the crime family large. As I leave the ship about twenty-five collard Nuvil slaves approach to off-load the cargo. There is one overseer. He had the look of a Nuvil captian. His skin is a glossy blue like those of Arumenda. His face is tattooed, and pierced. He wears thick glasses, and a leather duster. An exchange of money is made to Black Jane after the Silweed is accounted for. I make my exit before too many questions about me are asked. It is not unusual for travelers here to be taken and forcefully enslaved.

I make my way to a Federation controlled sector.  The Federation has had to resort to going by sectors to control the crime population. Aldramaton is an endless city with towers thousands of UOM high, some reaching out into space. Going through one tower to control crime is a monumental task. Each person entering into the zone must show a valid ID to be there. I scan my Intergalactic Geographic badge. An alarm sounds, and the Sergeant on duty pulls me into questioning.

I sit in a white room for a short time until Federation Naval Customs Officer Kalil enters. He wears a sharp suit that the naval officers wear, different than the customs agents that pulled me in. Kalil overseas a specialized group of police who work capturing the Silweed shipments as they land. I gained the chance to interview Kalil after I told him about my article of pursuing Silweed to Rush.

Officer Kalil like many other government officials are hitting a wall when it comes to stopping the production of Rush, “In Aldramaton we have four major crime families. In the past they competed with each other over territory, and money. Since Rush’s large success each family is fine with making only a portion of the profit instead of controlling it all. This makes our job harder because now they are more unified against us than ever before. We are seeing labs pop up all over the moon, and we have a hydra affect. Shutting one down only creates two more. While the long term solution is to dismantle the family the short term is to contain the flow.” Kalil, like many in the Federation were optimistic that Aldramaton can become free from the crime families, but after Rush’s creation the hope of stopping the drug production have quickly fallen.

My journey to understand the powerful drug Rush has ended with some answers. Most ended with Federation red tape and cultural suspicions of outsiders. While there is no clear answer in the stop of Rush smuggling many experts have agreed the best way to reduce issues is to target the population and run anti rush advertisements as a way to show its dangerous affects. The most long term solution is for the Federation, and the separate government entities working together to crack down on organized crime. Many far right, and far left politics have suggested the real issue is Rein. There have been bills to kill the entire crop of Silweed, replacing the Khans over the royals. Currently sessions have not revealed any clear answer to stopping the drug.

 

How to Build a Boarder Wall!

I hope I snagged you with that clickbait title because we do have a very important topic to talk about, and it is related to a border.

If you ask my wife what her biggest issue is with me, it would be I let people walk over me. I don’t stand up for myself, and when things are wrong I don’t get them corrected. Most of what she says I agree with. I don’t like going back into fast food restaurants to get my order fixed, I don’t like complaining to others, and when I get bad services I rather just not go back instead of fixing the issue. My wife is very different. She will march into a store demanding what she paid for even if its just a few dollars of a mistake. She wants things corrected and done right.

For a long time, I would just tell her, Hey you just got to relax. Mistakes happen. She would tell me, Yeah, that’s fine but I paid for it. That was something I never thought about before. This was my money, and my service. Most jobs I worked were in the services industry or working with difficult people in tough situations. I have adopted this passive approach to a lot of my interactions with people because it’s a hard mentality to break. I have always been on the other side correcting mistakes, and I feel like I personally hurt others when I ask for something to be corrected. Mostly because I feel its personal when someone is in my face yelling at me how they bought this yogurt and needed a refund because it’s the wrong Toffeetastic flavor they wanted WayTooManyBerries. Its apparently my fault because I stock the yogurt and mixed up all the flavors making it too difficult for them to find the right one.

For anyone who works in retail, or for anyone who works with people in a services environment can relate to getting yelled at for completely unreasonable things. Having to back down or risk getting in trouble because management cares more about their customers then employees. Why wouldn’t they? Employees cost money, while customers are the people buying the product. After years in this environment I have gotten use to: It’s my fault, I am wrong, and if its not a big deal, let it go.

After working in a more therapeutic, case management environment I am still dealing with difficult people, but there must be a wall between us. This wall also makes it so that I am able to say no to people to better help them. Having this passivity harms the overall impact I can have in a clients life.

I discovered this with my first client who had a bill of over 4000 dollars. Part of my job was to find clients who slipped through our sliding scale and help them get a reduced fee. Normal therapy session for an LCSW is about 140 dollars without insurance. With the sliding scale the service could be reduce to 12 dollars (Depending on size of family and income).

I was very ambitious at this time seeking to change people’s lives and help in any way that I could. That led me to being used, and not helping a family in treatment. By always driving to their house I made it so they no longer had to get ready for the day. By going inside, I normalized myself to the point they no longer cleaned, or washed. By transporting them to all the places we needed to go they became reliant on me. It didn’t matter how much hand holding I did they kept regressing.

I brought this case to my supervisor who pointed out all my flaws mentioned above. I wasn’t helping the family with becoming independent I was making them reliant on me. If I was doing my job correctly they would no longer need to be my customer and learn to advocate for themselves. Its about meeting people where they are and moving forward from there. A part of that is I have to say no. No, I cannot take you to this appointment, I can meet you there. No, I cannot come to your home for this appointment you need to come here. No, I cannot do that for you, but I will gladly assist you. I will assist and help in the least invasive way possible till you are able to stand up and do it yourself.

It was like everything sort of clicked into place when she said that. You mean I can say no, and help people? You mean I don’t have to let others walk all over me? I can keep a boundary, and still help them? This was incredible news for me even if it was taught to me multiple times in school. Getting the experience of working with others made everything click into place.

I started recently applying these skills in my daily life. I started saying no to people. Instead of coming up with an excuse as to why it’s impossible to hang out with someone and not seem like a jerk, I just say no. I have boundary with them, they make me feel bad, and I’m not spending time with them. I’m an adult, and I can make these decisions myself.

We must create these boundaries with others. Its not that we don’t like them or want them to feel bad. We must care about ourselves. This doesn’t mean when the pimple-faced teenager rings up our WayTooManyBerries at the wrong price we get in his face and yell. It means we politely ask for them to double check it. Make sure we didn’t make a mistake, and we say no if we know they are wrong. It’s not about being a jerk, it’s about caring for yourself.

I picture the body as a nation. I am the nation of Felix. I have a flag, my county has a religion, we have an okish economy, we got a really hot ally (my wife), and the national sport is eating Doritos while playing D&D (Damn good nation). When I let people walk over me I let them take a part of me. They start eating away at my main resources: happiness, dignity, self-worth. I lose them to these invaders, and my people are still a welcoming people. We like to believe that others won’t hurt us, but we must have boundaries to protect our resources. To protect Felix from being broken down to the point of hate, pity, and humiliation. A place where we have all been before.

I know in the news there is a lot of issues going on related to the border. Don’t let this analogy get in the way of the message I’m trying to tell you. You need to be a patriot of your nation. You need to be a patriot in that you care for yourself enough to say no and stick to that no. Create boundaries with people, and don’t feel bad about them. You are a human, your only here for a short time. Is it so wrong to want those years to be comfortable? Is it wrong to want the same dignity and respect other people have?

I never felt like I deserved what other people had, I thought it was fine for people to walk over me. I am saying no. If I payed for it, it will get fixed. If I don’t want to spent time with you, I won’t. That doesn’t make me a bad person. It just means I am human, and I want to be happy while I’m here.

Failing Forward an Ode to the Times I Suck

The most cliché thing I love to repeat is “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” All my life I have made plans, and they have never been fulfilled. I’ve given up, honestly I have, and I am letting go of all worry. What is the point anymore? Since I was a child I had this huge plan about where I was going to go, and what I was going to do. There was a perfect outline of events that would create the perfect life. I worked hard every step of the way only to find that the door I was searching for was always closed to me. It wasn’t part of my journey no matter how badly I wanted in.

This has to be relatable to other people. I don’t think I have ever met someone who has said, “Oh yeah, everything I ever wanted came out just as planned.” There is just too much going on for anyone to completely succeed at everything they set out to do. I wanted a completely different life than the one got. Planning was dumb, I was blinded by ambition, and a need to succeed that I never learned a single thing about myself.

I hit my head against a wall fighting for my “dream job” while living in this fantasy that if I don’t give up then I will get what I have always wanted (For some people this works). Giving up has honestly been the best choice for me. I stopped planning. I’ve stopped worrying because how the hell am I suppose to know what tomorrow will bring when I can barely control today. I still have wants, and dreams. I make achievable goals for that, but I’m over creating a five or ten year plan.

God will provide, and I sincerely believe that. Now I’m not trying to proselytize here, but can you say that all those nights spent worrying turned up anything besides bad dreams with upset stomachs? After dealing with one client’s crisis to the next, staying up late at night trying to plan out the perfect situation to get them the most help, I learned it all works out in the end. Maybe not for the best, maybe even to a decompensated state. However, the crisis is over, and they grow from it. They can rebuild.

I failed at everything. I pushed so hard to be let down. I sacrificed everything I had for what I wanted to do, and was crushed for years when I learned I couldn’t do it. I was physically unable to. Yet I persisted, and fought more. I dug myself deeper, and deeper believing in this dream. I had no idea that I would be where I am today, but I am better off for it. I learned to rebuild, and I built the life I have now. With help of course from my religion, my wife (pictured above beautiful as ever), and my family especially my mother.

Life isn’t always pretty, and I understand there are powerful forces at play in people’s lives that cause harm. All I am suggesting is that for all the hours I spent hunched over begging God for help, could have been spent thanking him it’s not worse. Instead of feeling sick and being restless I could have been asleep or enjoying the limited time I have here in life.

That’s what it boils down to, 75 years (If I am lucky) of life. Already 25 have been spent, and a third will go to sleep. More to work, cooking, traffic, and chores. All told I only have maybe 5 years left of time that I get to enjoy. If that time is spent worrying about tomorrow I won’t get to write cool things, love on my wife, and take stupid photos.

Tomorrow I will wake up. I will walk to work with the sun shining down on my face. At work I will speak with clients, and help solve their issues. During lunch I will eat, and work on some more content to publish working on the things I enjoy. I will finish my day at work, and go home. I will play D&D with my friends, and wife. I will cook dinner with my wife. That is my plan, and that is as far as I will go. An infinite amount of things (good or bad) can happen between then and now. I choose not to worry because I cannot know what tomorrow will bring. I will take whatever life gives me, and work with what I have.

Each time I failed I learned, and moved forward. So here is to us, the imperfect, the broken, and the rebuilders. To those who have given up on waiting for life, and making plans for tomorrow. Be here today, and laugh with God about plans made.

What is something you spent time worrying about? Did your life’s plan turn out the way you wanted it to?

How to change your life in 6 minutes or less today! Totally FREE because the ads aren’t mine

Do you want to know the secret to unlocking your full potential? Perhaps you find yourself with less energy then you previously had, or maybe you are seeking to become your best self? Whatever it is you are looking for I have it right here in this article for you, and its free.

Are you buying the clickbait that I am laying down hard? I do have something for you, and it might change your life, or might be something you already know. It might be something that someone has told you a million times, but here we are. I want to introduce perspective.

If I was in high school I would start by using a Webster’s dictionary definition of what perspective is. I’m not, and you can Google that yourself (I think Bing can look it up to). I want to tell a story of a criminal, and let you determine for yourself a perspective.

Johnathan steals a loaf of bread from his local gas station. He slides it up his bulky hoodie when he thinks no one is looking around. As he is about to leave the cashier confronts him telling him to give it back, or have the police called on him. John runs out of the store to his home. After a little investigating the police find and arrest John of petty theft. He must return the property and pay a fine. These are the facts of the situation.

Why did John steal the bread?

Well, there are any number of reasons that he could have stolen the bread. Maybe it’s a mental condition where he feels he must steal, maybe it’s because he must prove something to someone, or maybe he steals because he is hungry with all other means being exhausted.

The point I am trying to make is that we placed a judgement on John based on what he did. I hear stories and read them online of people making terrible choices that I would never even consider in my life. When I was a resident assistant at a college several of my residents stole traffic cones, I had people who I worked with in detention centers who made meth. I know of a lot of people who did things that in my mind made no sense to me. I placed judgement on a person based off actions that I was not a part of.

I do this almost every day still, and I rarely catch myself before I make the judgment. In that past I have done things that made no logical sense to other people. I tried drifting a car only to hit a stop sign causing thousands of dollars in damage. Anyone who looked at that facts of that story without my perspective could conclude that I was deviant, or otherwise incapable of being trusted with my actions.

In recent months I have found myself working to improve my outlook of others, and the world around me. People will do things that seem illogical to me, and I have to take a moment to step back out of the frame of mind of judgement to try and see things from a different perspective. In the situation of John by just reading the facts and having to work with someone like John I cannot just judge him saying, “Well you know that stealing is illegal.” That is redundant as everyone else is telling him that, I should instead ask him “why”.

When my wife and I argue it’s because one of us doesn’t understand the perspective of the other. Of course, we are both right in our minds, but instead of arguing what we should be doing, we should instead discuss why we want to do them. What is the motivation of waiting to clean on Sunday verse right now. Why do we need to go to New York to visit family when they can come this way? Why are we saving for this service when the other service works just fine?

In your life you will interact with people, and have those moments when you think, “Is this person serious?” Instead of placing judgement on them try to come from a different angle and ask why they are doing this. Try to understand where people are coming form.

We all come from different backgrounds with the idea that our way is the right way, but if we tilt our perspective we can begin to understand those around us in a new light. Without being harsh or judgmental we can affect better change with those around us getting what we want while still understanding the person who is talking to us.

This is in no way trying to excuse illegal, or unwanted behavior. It is a way to understand others, so we can begin to work with those who are the most difficult in our life finding a middle ground. I recently had a cousin who stole from us. The total that she stole was about three hundred dollars while we were away trying to start a life. Without getting to much into detail of her life by changing my perspective I could see why she stole from us, and even empathize with it. I don’t condone what happened, or the actions she took. I also cannot change what happened. I can only move forward knowing what I know and grow past the hurt I feel.

This is a difficult topic to discuss with others as most people will have a knee jerk reaction of “Well what about this situation, should I empathize with this?” My answer is your life is your own, and what you do with it is up to you. I am only offering the advice that when I take some time to see another person’s view that I disagree with I no longer see them as an enemy, or person who wants to harm me. I see them as human capable of making mistakes and hurting others. Just like I am.

Part of my blog, if you are unfamiliar with it, is self-growth to be the person I envision for myself. I want to envision in myself a person who can be talked to about difficult problems without judgement and looking in a new lens. I do this, so I can help those I love, and those who I don’t care for. I don’t excuse the deviant behaviors, but I try to see them as human to forgive them for me. I cannot hold onto grudges anymore, or what I see as mistakes others have done. At some point I have to let it all go and accept I have done bad things I hope others can forgive me.

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